dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
