the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
