i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize