Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
false alarm, still single
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
