So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
