its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
