How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
