Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
