Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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