He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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