i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
