If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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