I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
