So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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