dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
