Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
