Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
