dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
