I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
