I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
