I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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