So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
