I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize