Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
