Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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