I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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