Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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