They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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