I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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