ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
