The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
