Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
