I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
