dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
