he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
