two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
