Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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