Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
