Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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