She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
