i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
