Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
