A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
