Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
