Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
