I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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