I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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