K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
