nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
