A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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