Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
