I hate your face
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
