I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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