omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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