So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
