the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My life is pants optional.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
