My sheets look like a crime scene.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
