mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
