Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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