How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
