Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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