i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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