And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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