do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Everything about him screamed your future.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
