BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize