she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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