Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she told me i tasted like america
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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