Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
