One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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