I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
