I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
