It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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